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I’ve been spending a lot of time lately in my garden digging up these hellish bushes to make way for veggies.  It started pretty normal, but turned into this intense personal vendetta against these awful, horrible, rude bushes.  The root ball is so enormous and the soil is so full of clay!  I spend all day, hours and hours, hemming and hawing, wrenching these terrible plants out of the ground.  The ground does not want to let them go, but I’m not about to be bossed around by a stupid bush.  Hell to the no.

I’ve started to envision a PBS gardening show based on these little adventures.  I know there’s a show called “the Victory Garden.”  I’ve never seen it but I know it’s there. On PBS.  And it has something to do with gardens.  My show would immediately follow it and be called “Victory Over the Garden” wherein I would do extreme pruning, invasive plant eviction, and pest kick-assery.  I would administer my own brand of swift garden justice.  To the garden victor go the garden spoils.  The more I think about this, the more I feel and sound like a garden tyrant.  I sound like an Ivan the Terrible, but I swear I’m more of a Catherine the Great.

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